


Snapping Turtle

by blackwingedbird



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Gen, Theme Park AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-06
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-06-22 19:09:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15588729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackwingedbird/pseuds/blackwingedbird
Summary: Ride operator John Laurens does not like bullies.





	Snapping Turtle

**Author's Note:**

> So awhile back I wrote a thing about Hamilton characters as ride operators, which, much to my surprise, a lot of people really liked. (You can read it at http://thisismyhamilaskblog.tumblr.com/post/141396199010/hamilton-characters-as-ride-operators.) This is a short fic set in that universe, based on an old pastime of mine. :)
> 
> For reference, the Snapping Turtle is a Huss TopSpin. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Top_Spin_(ride)

The guy is massive, big enough that John can tell just by looking, it's going to be a bitch getting the shoulder harness to latch over his bulk. Not impossible, but it'll take some force, and probably some speed as well. John doesn't mind. Dude has been bullying his reluctant girlfriend and straight-up terrified kid all through the queue line. And the Snapping Turtle is an older ride, one of those referred to in backstage break rooms as a 'nutcracker.' Which is to say, its harnesses tend to be less than kind to certain parts of the male anatomy, when not wielded carefully. Normally, John's pretty good at getting them latched gently, even on bigger guests.

This guy? This guy is getting locked in with full force.

The cycle ends and the next group of guests file in, taking their places in the long row and clambering into the slightly awkward seats, legs dangling above the platform that will fall away when the ride begins, leaving them flipping head over-heels above the shallow lake and sprayer jets. John flips the switch to lock the harnesses, hitting the one for the mag gates as well, which will save him having to run back up to the dispatch booth, then back down again to check the gates before starting the cycle. Normally his strategy is to hit the locks, but not actually close the gates until after harness check. Plenty of kids decide, once they get up close and personal with the mechanical beast, to wait for their parents and older siblings on the other side of the gate. But Jefferson, on grouper/greeter and apparently bored, does the gate check while he's making his way to the first guests. Anyone else, John might explain his reasoning, just so they'd know for next time, but Jefferson's already in a foul mood, stuck at one of his least favorite rides (he claims she's a 'kiddie ride,' but evryone knows it's really because she's one of the few in the park with an upper height limit, and Jefferson is just _slightly_ above it, and thus physically unable to ride), and not even in an operator position. It's just not worth it, and he has other assholes to deal with at the moment.

He makes his way down the row, briskly performing the push-down-pull-up-tug-at-the-seatbelt procedure in one smooth, practiced movement at each seat, pausing to help the kids who can't quite reach the harnesses themselves, or are sitting in the seats that tend to stick in the wide-open position, requiring the sort of leverage that can't be achieved while sitting in them. She's an older ride, okay, she needs some maintenance. Instead, there's been talk of replacement -- likely with something that will be new and shiny, and have a million new and shiny problems that will be a lot harder to fix than a few sticky restraints. For the moment, though, she's John's favorite ride to work, and since most people _prefer_ the new and shiny, that means he's here nearly every day.

As it happens, Douchebag McBroFace is sitting in one of the 'special' seats, struggling with his harness in vain. "Yo," he calls, while John's still a good six seats away. "This thing won't come down."

"No problem, sir, be right there," John calls back, even managing a bland, customer-service smile, which he really wishes Madison and his ultra-placid guest-service-loving ass were around to see, because really. This happens multiple times a day, and scared kids are one thing, but coming from a grown-ass adult… He always wants to ask what their thought process is, because he cannot for the life of him figure it out. They can _see_ him coming toward them, checking each seat in turn. They _know_ he has to check them all before starting the ride. So what the hell are they thinking here?

He shakes his head slightly, turning a far more genuine smile on the next guest in line. He's vaguely aware of the guy yanking still harder at the restraint. Maybe it's the failure of his oh-so-impressive muscles to make an impact -- something he's perhaps never experienced before -- but his tone has shifted from demanding to noticeably nervous (despite the fact that John had distinctly heard him telling the kid beside him, who can't be more than ten, that _it's not even scary, don't be a pussy_ ) when he calls again, "Hey, buddy, my harness won't come down!"

So. A bully, a hypocrite, and more than a bit of a moron. Asshole cubed. "Yeah, man," John calls back, fighting the urge to roll his eyes. "It's normal. That one doesn't come down. You just hold on real tight, you'll be fine."

It's the sort of ride-op joke that usually gets a nervous laugh in response, but this guy doesn't look like he has much in the way of a sense of humor. John's kind of expecting to get cussed out.

What he's definitely _not_ expecting is for the guy to leap, wide-eyed, from his seat, loudly declare "fuck that!" and practically sprint for the exit. He hits the gate at full speed, and proceeds to topple headfirst over it as the industrial-strength magnetic lock does its job.

John's pretty sure he deserves a goddamn medal, or at the very least a five-point Perk Card, for managing not to laugh. The dude's kid and girlfriend show no such qualms, nor do a few other guests, or, for that matter, Jefferson, all of whom proceed to crack up. John shoots the kid a quick, slightly rueful grin.

"Is that really true?" the boy asks.

"Nah," John says, easily ratcheting down the harness over the now-empty seat. "I was just messing with your dad. Nobody will ever start a ride without making sure everybody's strapped in safely. There's about a million systems in place that make sure that can't happen."

"Like what?" the kid asks, wide-eyed now with curiosity rather than fear.

"Well," John says, getting down on one knee, so he's eye-level with the kid, "see those lights?" He points out the row of green LEDs set into a small panel at the secondary station. "Each one of those is one seat. They light up when they're locked, so we can see, and the ride's computer won't let it start until they all are, even if we tell it to. We also gotta check by hand, like I'm doing right now. Otherwise we'd get fired."

The kid considers this for a moment, staring at the lights, then turns back to John. "He's not my dad," he informs him. "He's just my mom's boyfriend."

"Ah, okay," John replies. He genuinely enjoys working with kids, but never knows how to respond to this sort of non-sequitur. From the slightly mortified look on his mom's face, she doesn't know either. "You guys wanna get off too?" he asks, already reaching for the release switch. Neither of them are here by choice.

But the kid hesitates, staring up at him. "Is it scary?"

"Well…yeah," John shrugs. "I mean, it's a lot of fun, probably my favorite ride here. But it's pretty scary too, especially if you've never done it before."

The boy considers this for a moment, chewing at his lip, then turns to his mom, as much as the seats allow. "Can we stay?"

"Hey," she says with a slight laugh, "I can handle it if you can."

"Yeah?" John says, flashing a double thumbs-up, getting one back in return. "Okay, I'm gonna be sitting right up there," he says, pointing out the booth. "If you want to get off, give me a thumbs-down and I'll stop the ride, okay?"

Finishing up the safety check, he bounds up the handful of stairs, throws himself into the seat, and glances over the panel. Harness locks and gate locks are both lit, the start button is glowing orange in readiness, and across the way at secondary dispatch, Alex is giving him the thumbs-up signal, already pressing his own start button.

"Clear!"

**Author's Note:**

> No, I never actually saw anyone fall over a gate, but I did get a couple of leap-and-sprints. Always amused me far more than it should. XD
> 
> This fic also serves as something of a PSA, in that a truly remarkable number of adults seem to genuinely believe this sort of thing. People. Theme park rides are basically made of safety features. They are not actually dangerous unless you break the rules and really work at circumventing those features. Don't, ah, don't do that.


End file.
